I have not written a blog post in a while. I have not wanted to. We are at a difficult place in our adoption journey. That’s not something you generally want to say out loud.
We are in the process of selecting a domestic agency. Sounds simple, right? Not so. The agencies all require that you take an educational class, provided by them, to help prepare you for adoption. We think this is a good thing. It is important for our family and for our child that we be well prepared and understand what to expect after adoption and as we raise our child.
The problem: the classes may or may not be available any time soon. It may be two months, it may be four. We cannot be admitted into their program until we take the class. So, we have to add months to an already lengthy process. So, I’m thinking, “Really?” I think it, but this is one of those things I have not been saying.
Then, we have the waiting period. For domestic, you are waiting to be chosen by a family. So, you prepare a profile book and hope that the birth parents like you enough to choose you to be the parents of their baby. Can I just mention how scary this can be? What if people do not choose us to be parents? Will we ever be parents? It feels as if building our family is reliant on the decisions of others. You feel powerless at times. Yes, God is in control. Yes, we know he has a child for us. Yes, all things will come together in the right time. Yes, He will make it happen. But, that does not make it any less scary. These are some of the things I have not been saying.
We have people in our lives who are very supportive of our adoption process. They ask where we are in the process, how far we have to go, how long it will take, how much it costs, and so much more. They genuinely want to support us and are so excited for us to have a baby. But, there are no simple answers to these questions. When they ask, I think, “We are not sure where we are in the process, as the process is long and challenging.” “We know it will cost between $30,000 and $40,000 and we have only raised about $6,000.” “We are tired, frustrated, and yet filled with anticipation because we want our baby and feel it is so close to happening, yet so far away.” It is hard to respond because people want to hear the miracle stories. The stories of people giving thousands of dollars and all the funds coming in over night. Or, the stories of the call that comes in an unexpected moment from someone telling you that you have been chosen and there is a child who will quickly be in your arms. But, these stories are not yet our story. They are what we hope for and dream for. We know our response will, in some way, make them uncomfortable. Because, right now, our story means people have to hang-in-there with us until something happens. It means it is not fun and exciting, but hard work and a lot of waiting. It means we have to push through the tears and heartache until we reach the end of this journey and bring our child home. These are some of the things I think, but have not been saying.
So, now I am saying the things I have not been saying. I am sure I will say more later. But, this is a start. It feels good to say what I have not been saying.
– Kelli
